My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

who he wants

Most days I’m not who I want to be. I find myself starting with the best of intentions, but the milk spills, the pancakes burn, and the jeans won’t button. I long to be calm and patient, beautiful and sexy, friendly and strong. Maybe I am some of these things some of the time. But then I click on a blog or scroll through Pinterest and find that everyone else is so much….more.

They are more organized, beautiful, creative, daring, accomplished, patient, and giving. Their homes are cleaner and bigger and much better decorated. Their kids are experiencing life the way I wish mine would. And their husbands are so lucky because they are such amazing women.

And then there’s me. The me I see that yells, screams, cries, has dust and cobwebs and sticky floors, loses her patience, let’s people down, is a few sizes too big, and gets lost in longing to be the person she’s not.

The interesting thing is that this is my perception because clearly, I know me better than anyone. I’m always with me. I see how I act. I hear what I say. I hear what I don’t say. But then I realized I’m wrong. I don’t know me better than anyone. There’s only one person who knows me better than I know me.

God.

There is the obvious…He made me, therefore He knows me. But the most interesting part is that He knew me before I was me, He knows me right now in this moment, and He knows who I will be someday. I don’t.

So, I choose to trust that I am exactly who He wants me to be right at this moment. Could I do more, be more, give more? Always. But He doesn’t love me for those things. He loves me for who I am right now, and I am who He wants.

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