Day 23: Looking for a Landing
The realization that my faith is old hit me hard. It has made me question myself and how to connect to my beliefs. It has made me doubt everything associated with what I believe. I’ve walked these stairs for so long, I’m not sure where the landing is.
But I had to stop. (See, I can have a flair for the dramatic)
The Bible is filled with men and women of God that had these crisis’ of faith. And they made it in the Big Book. There must be a reason for that. And surely, my situation is not as dire as eating apples or hearing a rooster crow. But it’s all the same.
When we feel a disconnect between our faith and our belief, everything in life can feel off.
My prayer life feels off. The words are there, but they seem to hang in the air, if they even make it past my throat.
My church life feels off. There’s a lot to this one, but worn faith seems to make the lights a little less bright and the music a little less rock and roll.
My relationships feel off. Not all, but some. It’s like there’s this piece missing that I can’t find. Believe me, I’ve looked under the couch cushions and the rug.
I feel off. Was I more patient and loving before the threadbare days or am I romanticizing?
I’m trying to be OK with being off. It’s not easy for me. If I just keep going, keep being obedient, keep moving forward even if it’s followed by a step or two backwards, then I’m seeking. And I still believe:
So, my faith can be worn out. And that’s OK. Because if I seek Him I can exhale.
Check out the rest of my 31 days series below.