My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

Adoption isn’t just for kids

Since November is National Adoption Month, I thought this would be the perfect time to tell you my adoption story. It’s probably not what you think, but the heart couldn’t be more true.

I have brothers and sisters who are adopted and their stories are beautiful and covered in God’s fingerprints. I can tell you that the love you have for these is no different than the love you have for biological siblings. I can tell you that you think you’re changing them, but they are changing you.

But this isn’t about them.

It’s about me.

I am adopted.

No this is not a spiritual metaphor.

Legally, I am adopted.


I know rejection.  This rejection is more than having been picked last for kickball or not being invited to a party.  This rejection comes from one of the two people in the world that are never supposed to reject you.  They’re supposed to be your sure thing.  Only, he wasn’t; even still, he isn’t.  Ironically, as much as I don’t want him to be anything for me anymore, I still hurt.

Parents are always supposed to be there.  Only my father wasn’t, he isn’t.  So I made a choice.  I chose the one who has been there faithfully every time since I met him.  I never asked him to prove himself to me, but he has time and time again.  I made a conscious decision for me and my life as an adult.  Some people may not understand it, wondering why I waited until I was an adult.  Others may not like it.  But this was never for them.  It was one hundred percent for me.  I chose Brian, the man I have known as my dad since I was thriteen.  I walked into a hearing and said that he is my dad.  I suppose as much as I am chose him, he had already chosen me.

He had chosen to be there and love me as his own from the beginning of his relationship with my mom.  Everyday he has had a choice.  He has been there for science projects and rides to see friends, teaching me to drive and moving me to college.  He made sure that every teenage angst filled argument be followed by an embrace.  He was there as I lay in a hospital after my accident, cooling and calming with his hand.  He didn’t miss a graduation or a party to follow, and he was there to give my hand and embrace the tiny hands of my babies.  He never cared whether the moments were big or small; they were moments that meant something to me, so he was there.

I am blessed to have had the opportunity to choose.  I chose who my dad is and will be for all of my days, and for that I am grateful.adoption day

It’s been six years now, and I know I took the less traditional route. To those that know me that will be of no surprise.  My roads have never been paved and the street signs have never been clear.  One thing has been clear on this path, however.  I haven’t walked a step of the way alone.

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17 Replies

  1. I know exactly 1000% why you chose this. God bless.

    1. It’s an unusual path that few understand, isn’t it? It felt good to remind myself of all that is good and beautiful and redeemed. I’m not surprised you understand 🙂

  2. When relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding, it is easier to develop a positive character based on meaningful principles and eternally worthwhile values. When there is a high level of trust, challenges and difficulties are easier to overcome, enthusiasm soars; supportive thoughts bloom; results are easier to achieve; and individuals are more likely to mature, prosper and thrive. Happiness and contentment are the perennial effect and long-lasting consequence.

    1. This is such a comprehensive description Judith. That high level of trust you wrote about is essential. When someone earns that day after day it is truly beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

  3. Sometimes we choose family, and that family isn’t blood. Praise God for His blessings when we have holes that need to be filled!

    1. I’m so glad He’s good at filling holes; I’ve got plenty!

  4. Becky, thank you for sharing this glimpse into your story. The power and miracle of choosing still causes me to tremble in wonder sometimes. In our family, we have a story like this too. My husband Peter has been my daughter’s dad in every sense of the word and role except the biological. And my dad is the man who took me in 15 out foster care and has been my true dad ever since. Praise God for His provision of Brian in your life and for your courage to choose him. What a beautiful reminder to me today about choosing to receive my Father’s love just as He has already freely given it. It’s so easy to forget sometimes and yet so crucial to being able to live well. Thank you! 🙂

    1. Becky Hastings

      Lancia, your words always leave me with goosebumps and I have a feeling your story would too! It’s beautiful to know that God gives us such amazing gifts that we get to choose to receive. xo

  5. Dottie Simonides

    I’m sure you’ve both been made richer by this relationship. You both have love for others that doesn’t quit, almost like the love of our Heavenly Father. The picture of you two was a real tear jerker! Love you both!

    1. Becky Hastings

      Awwww….Thank you Dottie!

  6. This is beautiful. What a heartwarming tribute to him, and a great reminder that love is a choice.

    1. Becky Hastings

      It’s so easy to forget our role in love. But we get to choose, and that is a beautiful gift!

  7. Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing!

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thank you Cindy!

  8. Becky, this brings so much joy to my heart. I understand it 100%. Girl, we need to talk-talk sometime live. So much we could talk about. I love how the Lord has blessed you with your father and I adore your heart for speaking such precious truth! Thank you so much. What a treasure to think about this as my night ends.

    1. Becky Hastings

      I’d love to chat Bethany! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

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