The Mistake that Almost Ended My Blog
I’ve been quiet here lately, and it’s all because I’ve made some mistakes. Big mistakes that took some wrestling to look in the eye and call by name.
My dance hasn’t been genuine, and that is the one thing I’ve wanted from the beginning. I’ve been listening to all of the ‘how to’, ‘how many’ and ‘must do’s of successful blogs instead of listening to my heart.
In doing this I’ve come to dread this little corner of the web trying so hard to fit in a box I was never meant for.
I’ve been trying to fit in. Trying to do it right. Trying to be like everyone else. And all the while my heart was sinking because none of it felt right. Sometimes we try so hard to fit in that our walls become mirrors and life is like walking through a fun house. I never understood why they called that fun.
What does this mean?
Well, my spring series is done. Yup. I’m leaving it unfinished. It’s not my heart and it’s not what I want to write. Believe me, leaving it unfinished is almost harder for me than forcing myself to finish it.
The truth is I’ve lost my way. I’ve been so busy looking for the path that I forgot to lift my head. Looking for my way in the soil is like looking for the ocean in the desert. It was never there. It is only with my eyes lifted up that I can walk forward. The truth is I don’t need to see where I’m going, I only need to see Him.
So I stopped the music and I’m trying to find the right song. Not the right song according to everyone else, but the right song for me. It’s so easy to join a dance that’s already started, jumping into the crowd and following along. But He never promised us easy, and I’m tired of holding mirrors and faking smiles.
Sometimes we need to stop to start again.
And now I’m trying a new song, trying new ink, trying a new heartbeat. When my dance is done I want the footprints on the floor to be only one thing: a trail of grace.
About Becky Hastings
I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.