My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

The Mistake that Almost Ended My Blog

I’ve been quiet here lately, and it’s all because I’ve made some mistakes. Big mistakes that took some wrestling to look in the eye and call by name.

photo credit: weheartit.com

photo credit: weheartit.com

My dance hasn’t been genuine, and that is the one thing I’ve wanted from the beginning. I’ve been listening to all of the ‘how to’, ‘how many’ and ‘must do’s of successful blogs instead of listening to my heart.

In doing this I’ve come to dread this little corner of the web trying so hard to fit in a box I was never meant for.

I’ve been trying to fit in. Trying to do it right. Trying to be like everyone else. And all the while my heart was sinking because none of it felt right. Sometimes we try so hard to fit in that our walls become mirrors and life is like walking through a fun house. I never understood why they called that fun.

What does this mean?

Well, my spring series is done. Yup. I’m leaving it unfinished. It’s not my heart and it’s not what I want to write. Believe me, leaving it unfinished is almost harder for me than forcing myself to finish it.

The truth is I’ve lost my way. I’ve been so busy looking for the path that I forgot to lift my head. Looking for my way in the soil is like looking for the ocean in the desert. It was never there. It is only with my eyes lifted up that I can walk forward. The truth is I don’t need to see where I’m going, I only need to see Him.

So I stopped the music and I’m trying to find the right song. Not the right song according to everyone else, but the right song for me. It’s so easy to join a dance that’s already started, jumping into the crowd and following along. But He never promised us easy, and I’m tired of holding mirrors and faking smiles.

Sometimes we need to stop to start again.

photo credit: flickr.com/cc

photo credit: flickr.com/cc

And now I’m trying a new song, trying new ink, trying a new heartbeat. When my dance is done I want the footprints on the floor to be only one thing: a trail of grace.

 

About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

18 Replies

  1. Colleen

    Love this, Becky. Truly well-said and from the heart. Congratulations for your sincerity and courage. I know they come from Him.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Colleen you are right about the courage part! It was hard, but it needed to happen!

  2. Great words. We should live by these everyday. So well said.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thank you Diane. I needed to remember; I’m glad I’m in good company!

  3. ooh, I love that line “I want the footprints on the floor to be only one thing: a trail of grace.” That says it all. I just may steal it!

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thanks Susan. That was my favorite line too! It came right as I finished up and it was my exhale moment.

  4. joyce blundon

    .Really good my precious granddaughter!!!!!

    1. Becky Hastings

      Your encouragement means the world! Love you most!

  5. You said, “The truth is I’ve lost my way. I’ve been so busy looking for the path that I forgot to lift my head. Looking for my way in the soil is like looking for the ocean in the desert. It was never there. It is only with my eyes lifted up that I can walk forward. The truth is I don’t need to see where I’m going, I only need to see Him.”

    Agreed. What you say reminds me of a poem by Antonio Machado, a stanza of which reads:

    Wanderer, your footsteps are
    the road, and nothing more;
    wanderer, there is no road,
    the way is made by walking.
    By walking one makes the road,
    and upon glancing behind
    one sees the path
    that never will be trod again.
    Wanderer, there is no road–
    Only wakes upon the sea.

    The way is made by walking, and you’re still walking. So glad you paid attention and listened to your heart. I look forward to reading what your heart has to say.

    1. Becky Hastings

      What a beautiful poem! Thank you for sharing, and thank you for your encouragement!

  6. Keira

    I was at hobby lobby today and saw a painted plaque:
    “Stop trying so hard to fit in. You are meant to stand out.”

    It has got to feel right. Keep writing, and the path will be illuminated. xo

    1. Becky Hastings

      I love that Keira! Thanks for the encouragement. Maybe you’ll be writing soon too?

  7. Loved your post, it is so easy on here to lose your way. Sometimes I feel like it is hard to find a voice or that people willl listen or want to see our work.
    Look forward to following you

    1. Becky Hastings

      The voice is the hardest part for me. That and doing what feels right over what I ‘think’ people want. I’m learning that I very rarely get that right when I’m trying. It seems people want genuine more than anything that fits into a formula.

  8. I feel both encouraged and relieved by your words. I recently moved to WP.org adn wanted a fresh start. it is slow going as I have several focuses but like you I do want to leave a trail of grace. Love this phrase of yours bec it so expresses my and probably many other women’s desire.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Linda, It is so great to know we are not alone in this journey. I struggle with whether my blog is the modern day diary that I’m putting out there for all to see or something more. I think the only way to find the way is to move forward. Hoping your fresh start helps you get there!

  9. Staci

    Hi, Becky. I’m not a blogger, but I am an avid blog reader. This post stopped me in my tracks. Your honesty and humility, so beautifully worded, spoke to me. Authenticity in my walk with the Lord has been enveloping me for months. You said what I could not put into words. I feel like I’ve been given a gift in happening upon your blog. Bless you.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Staci, Thank you so much for your kind comment. I am so grateful that being transparent helped you in your walk, and I am so glad to know that I am not alone!

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