I Don’t Want to Be God’s Friend
When I realized I had wrongly sacrificed who I am I wondered how I let it happen. How could I give up so much of myself? There’s giving of myself and giving up myself. We were never meant to give who God made us, only to give out of the abundance of who He made us.
God and I had lost touch recently.
We were facebook friends really. I read the cute infographic with the verse or sometimes a devotion reminding me of how great it was back in the day when we were tight. I ‘liked’ so many things in His profile, but clicking like is far different from showing how much you love. I still believed everything on the “About” page, but I couldn’t remember the last time we had a good long talk.
If you had to choose whether to have 50 ‘friends’ click like for the funny story you post or to have one friend sit with you and laugh about it, what would you rather? I had let God become a social media friend and now the position for God was up for grabs.
I didn’t fill it quickly. I filled it a little bit each day turned to weeks turned to years. As my gaze shifted from Him to them I pushed them farther up the pedestal and Him further to the side. And eventually I realized I had a new god without even noticing the shift.
I made my family my god.
I had always thought idols were bad things. Things that, in excess, were like a drug. Money. Fame. Sex. Power. No one told me that idols can be very good things elevated to the wrong place in our lives.
The idea of my life without God scared me less than the idea of my life without my family. Clearly, I am no Job.
And now I need to find my way back. I need to wrestle through shifting my focus. Because I don’t want to be friends with God on facebook. I want to be friends with God in my real, messy, everyday life. I don’t know exactly what that looks like, but I know I’m not alone in finding out.
About Becky Hastings
I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.