My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

I’m not Hardcore

Someone asked me for a book the other day. They had been looking for it and had no luck at the local library, or at any library in the state. It was a Christian book about a Christian who changed something to better….well, Christianity.

I had no idea what she was talking about.

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She didn’t use these exact words or anything. She had names and places and all, but I still had no idea. I listened to her all the time wondering what she would think about the books I just helped my kids purchase from the book fair. They weren’t about the antichrist, but I’m certain they could be found at many libraries and they did not talk about God —  at all.

I didn’t feel judged by her. I didn’t feel any better or worse than her, but as I listened to her talk about wanting her kids to read about positive Christians that influenced the world, well I couldn’t help but feel a little soft.

The truth is:

I don’t go to church every Sunday

Some of my closest friends don’t share my beliefs.

I don’t read my Bible everyday.

My kids go to public school. (Sure we homeschooled for a time, but that had very little to do with any religious convictions and more to do with kids learning needs.)

I drink alcohol on occasion (and I like it).

I don’t serve on any committees at church.

In some ways I’ve given up on church, the institution (you can read about that here and here).

So, I’m not a hardcore Christian. I can tell you what I am hardcore at: LOVE. I don’t do it perfectly, or even at all sometimes, but I try to love with all that I am.

I’m not saying I have it all right. But I spent a lot of time fighting the place I’m in and that only led to one thing: anger. So instead I’m going soft. I’m easing up on myself and my expectations. There’s a price. Sometimes I don’t feel like a good Christian, but I really don’t think that God is going to ask me how good I was at going to church. I think He’ll want to know one thing:

How well did you love?


Linking up today with Holley Gerth and Jennifer Dukes Lee.

About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

7 Replies

  1. Becky!!! I love LOVE LOVE your post! I’m going to read your links to “why in some ways” you’ve given up on church, but can I tell you something? I have left, a little under a year ago, what is the institutional church because of what was happening there and what God was revealing to me about institutional churches. I find myself in a very isolated place and it’s this I’m alluding to in my latest post. I honestly don’t think it’s coincidence I’ve come across your blog! You are right where your meant to be! You will move forwards into the calling God has placed on your life. It just couldn’t happen where you were. Right, I’m going to read more of your blog!!!! Blessings from over the pond!!!

    1. joyce blundon


    2. Becky Hastings

      It’s sad to me that this is where things are at. But I think so much of it we have done to ourselves over generations. I am so grateful to know I am not alone in this feeling; it gives me hope that God is greater than man in every way. Looking forward to getting to know you more!

  2. joyce blundon

    I have gone thru these same experiences Becky.Everyone who is truly seeking does too!Love from your grandma to an exceptional granddaughter.

    1. Becky Hastings

      I always knew we were kindred spirits Gram! I love you most!

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