My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

The Fight That Can Save Your Marriage

I sat across the table looking for a reaction to my whisper. I had said the words and let them hang there. It was too late to take them back, not that I would have anyway. They needed to be said. As I sat there at a quiet table for breakfast I looked my husband in the eye and told him,

“I’m scared.”

I wasn’t sure how he would respond. The truth that pushed me to this point of fear and vulnerability was the realization that some of our closest peers from high school and college are now divorced.

These are weddings we went to, weddings we were in. Joyous receptions where we danced and celebrated the start of a union that no longer exists.

I sat there looking at him, waiting for a response. Unsure of how this would go, but his eyes never left mine as he replied,

“You should be.”

It caught me off guard for a moment. Was there something I needed to be worried about? But then I realized he wasn’t trying to tell me some deep secret. He was hearing me, hearing my heart. The reality that we, just like anyone, are just a bad decision away from the same fate. And that is scary.

But it’s not a fear to run from. It’s a fear to look at and embrace to remind us how fragile and hard and beautiful this promise called marriage is. When we don’t see the danger, that’s when we get blindsided.

I’d rather face fear and name it than have it sneak up on me and knock me down.

When I see the risk, the unimaginable possibilities, that is when I can fight. I can fight in the little day to day things and I can fight in the big occasion things.

I can fight by choosing to spend time together more than apart.

I can fight by choosing the words that I say about my husband, especially when I’m angry.

I can fight by choosing to invest financially in doing things we enjoy together.

I can fight by choosing to talk about the hard things instead of run from them.

I can fight by choosing to face fear instead of run from it.

Linking up today with Holley Gerth and Jennifer Dukes Lee.


About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

14 Replies

  1. I love how you share that you what you are fighting for!

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thank you Mary Lou!

  2. This is so true. Hard to fight for those a lot of the time, but I love that you point out what’s worth fighting for.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Sometimes the things worth the most are hardest fights, but they are also the best ones.

  3. Getting sucker punched by fear stinks. Total wisdom in facing fear head-on. Thanks for a great read!

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thanks Julie!

  4. Great post! My wife and I had to become better friends and speak truth and be more transparent too. My fear was getting a rake in the face. I pray for continued strength to fight and wisdom to know when and how for you and your husband.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thanks Wes! Praying the same for you and your wife.

  5. Good word! My hubs often says, “if you don’t quit, you win”. I think that goes for marriage to. When the going gets tough, it helps to have a predetermination that quitting is not an option. So happy to “meet” you here from Holley’s.

    1. Becky Hastings

      So true Elizabeth! Wise husband; he must have a wise wife 😉 Thanks for stopping by!

  6. Ginny

    Becky, this is honest, raw and full of wisdom!!! I, too, could have written down the very same fears. I, like you, see the eroding of vows in both your and my generation, but I will continue to believe that those of us who choose to walk out our words and actions of committment will be a source of encouragement to others.

    1. Becky Hastings

      YES & AMEN!

  7. I love your husband’s response. It sounds like something my man would say. When we were talking about marriage before the wedding we both agreed that divorce was not in our vocabulary. We made a commitment to fight for our marriage on a daily basis. And we’ve kept that commitment. This year we celebrate seven years, and like every year we will celebrate by reciting our vows again and taking a hard look at what we can do to make our marriage more vibrant than the year before.

    1. Becky Hastings

      That’s fantastic Christina! Keep that honesty and commitment alive every year, every day.

Leave a Reply