How Losing Church Brought Me Closer to God
In the days of youth group and young adulthood, church was a place full of life and experiences. I went there to encounter God, and most of the time I did. It felt good and normal and expected, until it didn’t.
Fast forward a few years and I found myself home with two toddlers, a growing belly and terrible morning sickness. My ability to go to church to find God vanished and I was left with Sesame Street and IV fluids. Not exactly the high I was used to.Getting through the day felt like climbing a mountain, and church, well church felt like the moon. Click To Tweet
And somehow that made sense to me because that’s where God was, in the great vastness of the sky watching over everything from above.
Sunday became any other day except the programming on PBS wasn’t for kids so I had to switch to DVD’s. Life moved forward and time kept beating and the moon was still there, but as far away as ever.
Then something changed. I missed God. I missed church too, but there was a deeper longing that I had never felt or let myself sink into because church was always there to distract me. I was longing for God. And it felt good.
I struggled with how it was possible to disappear from a church you were so involved in and what role the church played in my faith anyway. But when I quieted those questions I was left with a need for God. And when I suddenly looked around and realized there was no church to turn to for answers I had only one place to go.
God.I looked around and realized there was no church to turn to for answers I had only one place to go. Click To Tweet
Maybe that seems simple. Maybe I should have started there to begin with. But God cares more that we get there than how windy the path we took was.
I’m still in a state of flux with the church. I don’t know how to balance my expectation for what church felt like at 20 to what it looks like in real life today. Maybe I’ll figure the church thing out. Maybe I won’t.
Maybe losing religion is the first step to discovering faith.
Linking words and hearts today.
About Becky Hastings
I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.