My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

When You Don’t Even Know You’re Drowning

 

photo credit: fromupnorth.com

photo credit: fromupnorth.com

There are days when air feels like water

and suddenly you realize you’re not swimming.

You never were.

This whole time you thought you were swimming

you were in fact

drowning.

 

And every flail of your arms

was not a stroke toward a goal.

Rather a desperate attempt

To grasp the air.

To reach help.

To survive.

 

So when I call out to God

and the words that come

don’t make sense

I ask again.

And the refrain weighs heavy.

Sink Deep.

 

And what if letting go

isn’t giving up.

But a dying to yourself

to sink deeper into Him.

What if I’ve had it all backwards

grasping for death

instead of resting in life.

 

I wait here for something

deeper than I know.

Eyes to the sky

or hands in the water.

I stop reaching

And start living.


Finding my way back to words I love and linking up with writers around the web.

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About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

15 Replies

  1. You’ve put into words that weird feeling I often have. I couldn’t quite describe it as profoundly as you just have.

    Glad someone put it into writing. I can totally relate to this.

    Sometimes I feel like drowning that I’m not aware of it until I’m actually desperate, gasping for air. Thank goodness our Lifeguard walks on water. 😉

    1. Becky Hastings

      Yes! Our lifeguard walks on water! Love it! I would love to use that…can I quote you?

  2. Beautiful description of a feeling I have experienced. Thank you!

    1. Becky Hastings

      I’m so glad you could relate Marvae; it’s great to know we’re not alone!

  3. Wandered over from Hyatt’s blog share and then noticed you were here at #TellHisStory as well… these are some powerful and elegant words, Becky! wow!
    Bigger than big blessings over your week x0

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thank you so much Christine! Your words mean so much! xo

  4. I love the imagery that you’ve used here. And the twist… “Sink Deep.” It caught me a little off guard!

    1. Becky Hastings

      Believe me Bill, it caught me off guard too! But God does that. In fact, I think He delights in it!

  5. This is beautiful, Becky! Thank you so much for describing that feeling of thinking you know what you’re doing only to realize that you’ve been grasping for the wrong thing!

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thank you Anita. And I love the name of your blog!

  6. Becky, this is profound! I understand and find myself here quite often. Why is it that we know this is exactly what we need to do and yet it can be so difficult. The flesh is a strong foe! Many blessings…

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thank you Linda! Blessings to you too!

  7. Whoa. I have never thought of that “too heavy for air” feeling in these terms. All along I have fought and clawed my way towards what I thought was oxygen. No wonder I am exhausted. Beautifully written, Becky. Thank you.

    1. Becky Hastings

      It’s funny how we are fighting for the very thing that we should be letting go sometimes. Thank you Carryl

  8. My favorite part “sink deeper into Him.”
    Yes to the whole thing!

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