When Words Echo and You Feel Empty
It’s there on my never ending list along with laundry and dishes. It has its own space there in the midst of the things that will never be done. Some days I check it off, but most days it sits there a reminder of how much I need to try harder.
It stares up from the paper, mocking even my best intentions. I know I shouldn’t have to put it on a list. It should be part of who I am, but at least I’m trying, right?
There are days when I get around to it, days when I forget it and days when I avoid it. Sometimes I forget He knows each time and each reason. And He loves me still.
Because longing and trying don’t feed love. Love is. Or isn’t.
And somewhere deep in the core of me, buried under years of dust and broken pieces, I know that Love is.
My resolve pulls me to open that leather bound book of promises. As I open it I am no longer met by words that jump off the page into my life, but words that feel flat and canned. I think that has more to do with me than the words.
I’ve dismissed them for so long, all the while knowing that they are there and they are true. And now I don’t remember how to resurrect them in my life. I’m usually resurrecting the things better off left alone.
But I miss it.
I miss it so much.
I miss the way the words sank into me and the words flowed out of me. I miss the way the words felt full of expectation and knowing. I miss the way I found peace and grace and joy.
Now, the words lay still and my own echo into the empty places of my heart. I didn’t used to be empty. All of my striving for life to be just right has left me with an emptiness I never expected. I forgot that chains can be reattached by my own hand and I can take away my own freedom. I miss freedom.
And I desperately want to find my way back.
My way back to life
Not in the things of this world, but in the things of the heart, the things of the soul.
So, I choose to seek truth, to sink into truth.
Linking hope today across the web…
About Becky Hastings
I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.