My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

When Words Echo and You Feel Empty

It’s there on my never ending list along with laundry and dishes. It has its own space there in the midst of the things that will never be done. Some days I check it off, but most days it sits there a reminder of how much I need to try harder.

photo credit: 1ms.com

photo credit: 1ms.com

 

Bible/Pray

It stares up from the paper, mocking even my best intentions. I know I shouldn’t have to put it on a list. It should be part of who I am, but at least I’m trying, right?

There are days when I get around to it, days when I forget it and days when I avoid it. Sometimes I forget He knows each time and each reason. And He loves me still.

Because longing and trying don’t feed love. Love is. Or isn’t.

And somewhere deep in the core of me, buried under years of dust and broken pieces, I know that Love is.

My resolve pulls me to open that leather bound book of promises. As I open it I am no longer met by words that jump off the page into my life, but words that feel flat and canned. I think that has more to do with me than the words.

I’ve dismissed them for so long, all the while knowing that they are there and they are true. And now I don’t remember how to resurrect them in my life. I’m usually resurrecting the things better off left alone.

But I miss it.

I miss it so much.

I miss the way the words sank into me and the words flowed out of me. I miss the way the words felt full of expectation and knowing. I miss the way I found peace and grace and joy.

Now, the words lay still and my own echo into the empty places of my heart. I didn’t used to be empty. All of my striving for life to be just right has left me with an emptiness I never expected. I forgot that chains can be reattached by my own hand and I can take away my own freedom. I miss freedom.

And I desperately want to find my way back.

My way back to life

and love

and joy.

Not in the things of this world, but in the things of the heart, the things of the soul.

So, I choose to seek truth, to sink into truth.


 

Linking hope today across the web…

 

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About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

3 Replies

  1. One of the pastors at my church once said, “There is no such thing as organic spirituality.” We must be intentional if we want to grow. You can do it! It’s worth it! Visiting from #TellHisStory.

  2. for me..I need to read his words over and over. Some days I feel nothing at all. But when I stick to it there comes a day when something niggles in my heart and then the words open to me. For me, I just have to keep at it. And, I believe, that is true for all of us.

  3. Oh Becky, my heart aches for you so badly and I wish I was there to just sit down with you (I am much older than you) and reassure you that He LONGS for you to read His love letters to you. He longs for the soothing balm of His Holy Spirit to wash warmly over you and minister to your every need. Sometimes, it is about faith–just asking Him to strengthen the faith that He has already placed inside us–we cannot work faith up–it is His gift to all of us–but we must cultivate it. Praying that your empty heart will soon be soaking up all that He has for you.

    And Becky, your post was beautifully written. I went back and read it the second time to let the haunting beauty of your words sink deep so that I would understand where you are coming from. Thank you for sharing so much of your heart.

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