My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

Family Isn’t Always What It’s Supposed To Be

The word for today is FAMILY, and I only have five minutes so I’m going to get right to it.

I’ve made my family an idol.

Let that sink in for a moment because I need it to stop rattling around in my heart. The fact that I wrote the words scare me like someone who just woke up and isn’t sure where she is.

photo credit: elephantjournal.com

photo credit: elephantjournal.com

 

In the name of being a good wife and a good mother and a good version of myself, even a good Christian, I’ve given it so much more weight than I should. I’ve grabbed on and held on tight because it’s here and it’s real and I always wanted it. But there is a whisper echoing that maybe I’m holding on so tight I’m choking it.

pablo (3)

My worst fear is losing them. Losing this beautiful, amazing gift from God that I forget to thank Him for all the time. But the truth is, even that may be holding on too tight. Because while they are mine for a season they are His forever and what I have with my family isn’t even a glimpse of the love God has for them.

And that’s when I realize I’ve been looking the wrong way. I’ve been looking at them before I look to God thinking that somehow it makes me a good wife and mom. But really, I should look to God first and then He will equip me as a wife and mom.

Because if I mean it when I sing, “You can have all this world, but give me Jesus,” it means my family too.


This poured out hard and unsteady. I want to go back and soften it, explain it, make it sound pretty and neat. I want to undo it and talk about something else. But that’s not why I’m here. This touched a place in me that leaves a lump in my throat. Maybe that’s what this is all about anyway.

Join me for the rest of the series 31 days of Finding Your Way Home.

Home Button

 

About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

5 Replies

  1. I get what your saying and it can be a fine line to walk. I like the part where you talked about God loving them even more than you do and I know that is so very true.

    Now that my kids are grown, I’ve had to change my whole line of thinking when it comes to parenting. It is no longer my job to tell them what to do and how to handle things. I now have to let my kids make their own decisions and my job is to pray for them and let God show them what is right and wrong. My prayer is that they will listen to God.

    1. Becky Hastings

      I can’t imagine being in that place yet! My kids are still home and barely approaching tween years. Sometimes my heart feels heavy with the burden of teaching so much in such a short time. But knowing that they were not mine to begin with helps. (As well as hearing about people who survive it!)

  2. Yes. Thank you for leaving your words raw and beautiful. I think I’ve been surprised at having to re-surrender my family when I thought I had given everything over to Christ.

    http://wp.me/s4Omr7-honesty You don’t have to read this at all; just wanted a way to say how strongly I relate.

    And this — “Because if I mean it when I sing, ‘You can have all this world, but give me Jesus,’ it means my family too.” — this I’ll remember every time I sing it. 🙂

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thank you for sharing your heart. I’m so grateful to read your words and know that I’m not alone.

Leave a Reply