My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

When You Already Have What You’re Looking For

The word for today is Capture. I hate to admit what I think about when I hear the word. When I let it bounce around in my head looking for a place to settle.

I know what I should think.

photo credit: SONY DSC

photo credit: SONY DSC

I should think about Jesus. I should think about how much I want to capture His heart. But honestly, that’s not where the word settles in me.

It goes somewhere deep and dark, not evil dark, but long ago forgotten. Or at least hidden.

When I was little I would grab a Walkman (yes, that’s what we had before iphones and ipods). It was big and clunky by today’s standards, but then, well, then it was just cool. It meant I could take music with me anywhere.

Now before you start thinking I’m some music aficionado, the truth is I can’t really keep a tune. But that never occurred to my eight year old self. Nope. Not once.

I would just walk around with that Walkman blasting and sing my heart out. Somehow I hoped that the people—actually not all people, just men — would notice me. I longed to be seen. To be heard. To capture someone’s attention.

The truth I never knew was that I already had.

Even with the out of tune renditions of Madonna and the eighties mis-style, I had captured the attention of the very same Jesus that I feel like I’m letting down. And the truth is, He never once felt that way about me.

pablo (2)

I have to admit, this was hard. It was hard to give myself permission to be less than perfect. Hard to allow myself to spend five minutes writing free whatever came to mind. But this very freedom, this transparency is exactly the point of being here.

This post is part of a series about Finding Your Way Home, to that place of truth that gets too easily covered up in each of us. You can check out the other posts here.

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About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

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