My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

Death Of A Friendship

I looked around at the awkward, broken pieces of our friendship and I was overcome with how easily it had happened. I had chipped away at our relationship bit by bit until I was standing in the middle of a pile of brokenness. Yet I wondered how I got here. Could it really be all my fault?

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Once upon a time we had been great friends. Friend and I spent time together and invested in one another. It was not a perfect friendship, but it was real. And then things started to change.

It was small at first. She got something that I, deep down, wished I had too. I wanted to be happy for her, and on the outside I was.

“I’m so happy for Friend!” I would say. “Even if she had it handed to her.”

If only I had stopped at the first statement.

I chipped away a piece of our friendship that day.

And life went on. We were still friends. Maybe I looked forward to our chats a little less, after all she did have that silver platter.

But that little piece I chipped away made it easier to do again the next time something irked me. And the next time and the next time. Over time and all of a sudden it seemed easier to make a negative comment about Friend than it was to make a positive one.

Yet deep in my heart I really thought it was all her fault. All about what she had. It had nothing to do with me. Except it did. It had everything to do with me and my heart.

While I may not have longed for what she had, I longed for the idea of it. The ease with which Friend seemed to live life, getting everything she wanted. I wanted that ease. And suddenly those little pieces I had chipped away left me standing in a pile of rubble.

I had let envy take over my heart. It didn’t happen all at once, but every little thought, longing and snide comment pushed me further into this pit of envy.

And now I find myself standing among the rubble wondering what next. My insecurity was a weapon used to destroy and now I am left broken pieces.

Maybe it is different for you.

Maybe you look at that friend who gets to stay home with her kids while you have to work and you wonder what does she do all day?

Or maybe you are home with the kids looking at the friend who gets to bring her kids to daycare and you think how nice it must be to have a break and a real conversation with grown ups.

Maybe your friend got the house you always dreamed of and suddenly you don’t want to go over anymore.

Or maybe it’s the friend with the amazing marriage, yet you can’t help tell the other girls about how her husband is never home.

Every time we use our longing and insecurity as a weapon someone gets hurt. More often than not, that person is us. Envy wounds, bleeding discontent and staining every thing and everyone around it. But that stain doesn’t have to be the end of the story.

God breathes

Friend and I still talk, but I’m the one digging out of the mess I made to find my way back. And it’s hard. It starts with getting real with what is in our hearts and repenting. Repentance and finding contentment gives us the freedom to drop our weapons and grab hold of grace. Click To Tweet

Start today. Think about the things that you are blessed with. Make note of them. Speak them out loud. Gratitude is like a candle flickering in that dark pit. And even the smallest light can make all the difference.

This post was inspired by a great sermon by Darren DePaul at Cornerstone Church. Click here to listen.

Linking up with Tell His Story, Coffee for Your Heart, and Three Word Wednesday.



About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

12 Replies

  1. Oh, such a sad and yet redemptive story. We tear our “house” apart with both hands when we believe the lies instigated by envy and comparison.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Oh, yes we sure do Michele. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy (or close to it). But God…..

  2. The place where we find ourselves standing on the side and recognizing how we got there is always the first step to healing and wholeness, Becky. This is a truth we all seem to find ourselves facing at one point or another in our lives because we are all human and we all deal with the same emotions. When we see it, when we own it, when we choose to make something of it to honor Him…then we begin to wear grace and let Him be the connection that heals and restores both the relationships and our hearts.

    I appreciated your words today.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Dawn, thank you for your kind words. I love you describe it: “Then we begin to wear grace and let Him be the connection that heals and restores both the relationships and our hearts.”

      Oh, how I long to wear grace, to put it on like a beautiful gown and twirl like a child.
      So grateful you’re here today!

  3. Becky, although your story is sad, your honesty is beautiful. I think we’ve all been down this road before with someone at some point. I love this: Envy wounds, bleeding discontent and staining every thing and everyone around it. It’s so true. Envy feels good at the time, when our flesh is raging. But when the flesh quiets down, our spirit cries out in hurt from the mess we make of things. Praying God redeems the relationship. Thank you for sharing your heart at #TellHisStory

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thank you for your encouragement Alisa! It is so good to know we are not alone in our struggles. To know that God is there and that people around us can relate if we are only honest and kind with one another.
      Thank you for being here today!

  4. Oh that envy. I’ve also seen how it can chip away at a friendship– I had to repent of that and realize that my hurts were not her fault.

    That said, I think there’s also seasons of a friendship, and for me, protecting my heart and avoiding envy means that sometimes, a certain season may mean less closeness. And that’s okay, as long as we do it in love and restore the relationship in the next season!

    1. Becky Hastings

      You are so right Ally! I always assumed that love meant holding onto friendships forever. It was so freeing to understand that friendships can be for seasons. We can appreciate those seasons and move on in love knowing God has a plan. So glad you’re here today!

  5. Regardless of why a friendship breaks, that’s such a hard thing to work through. And then it’s tougher when God ends up showing us the hard work we need to do ourselves. It’s always worth it, and it does begin with one small ray of light. Thanks for linking up at #ThreeWordWednesday!

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thank you Kristin! It is hard to walk through, but knowing that God will walk through it all with us helps!

  6. Such a honest, real story of what can happen in friendships. It’s that whole comparison thing that can steal our joy. Something I am too familiar with, unfortunately. But yes, we start to make our way out by “getting real with what is in our hearts and repenting.”

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thank you Beth! It is great to know that we are not walking through these struggles alone. Knowing that God is there every step of the way helps us see that there is hope even in the hardest places. So glad you’re here today!

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