My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

When A Bridge Is Broken

There are some relationships that end, but linger in your soul for a lifetime. They are part of the fabric of who you are, for better or for worse, and no matter what you do you can’t erase them. If you did, you’d be erasing part of yourself.

I wrote this post years ago about such a relationship.


The clock ticks ha, ha, ha, ha never-ending in my ear.

The swift wind blows in and sweeps it all under the rug, but I step there and feel it uneven under the arch of my foot, under the soul of my heart.

There are years there of relationship unknown, unexplored, unwanted.

And still it rings silent in my head.

Sometimes I look around to see if anyone else hears the sound, but it’s white noise in their world full of brokenness.

I wonder if I will ever know silence and I wonder if I will ever stop wondering.

Sometimes the fear grips me and I worry that I will see him just around the next bend.

Sometimes it’s the sadness that falls on my shoulders and I worry that I’ll never lift my head.

Usually, the truth settles into a place deep in my ear that makes my jaw tingle and my eyes fill before a quick shake of the head clears the cobwebs of yesterday.

Sometimes even blood stops flowing and bridges are not so much burned as they are left unkempt.

If you leave something in the elements for long enough, there’s no going back.

And now the reality of yesterday and tomorrow pull at my heart as the clock continues to tick, reminding me that I’m further from where I was and closer to I don’t know where.

Sometimes a broken yesterday seems safer than an unknown tomorrow. Click To Tweet

Sometimes walking away isn’t a one-time occurrence, but more of a cd on skip whenever it hits a certain place in the chorus.

And as the chorus comes round again in my heart, I remember why I walked away.

Sometimes you walk away because there is nothing left to stand on.

Sometimes you walk away because you were only passing through.

And every once in a while you walk away because the right thing isn’t always the easy thing.

And you wait for the chorus to come round again.

I wish I could say that the chorus never comes around anymore. I wish I could tell you that I don’t struggle and wonder and feel brokenness. But a relationship that is so deeply part of who you are cannot be exorcised anymore than my own heart.

I can tell you that it is easier. Forgiveness worked wonders for my soul and whenever the chorus comes back it is the exact place I need to go.

Sharing words with these great writers today!

Faith Filled Friday

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susan meadGraceTruth-300x300kristin hill taylor

About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

8 Replies

  1. Hi Becky. Stopping by from Holley’s today and this really hit me today. It sounds like echoes of my heart. I feel it deeply. Thanks for your tender words.

    1. Becky Hastings

      I’m so glad you’re here today Debby! It helps to know that we are not alone, even in those deep places of our heart.

  2. This is beautiful, Becky! I know these feelings as well. Relationships are so difficult to navigate through, especially the broken ones. Thank for sharing your touching words today. Neighbors at Faith Filled Friday.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thanks for being here today Alisa!

  3. I do wonder why it’s so difficult at times even now – other than plain ol selfishness and sin – and God continues to draw me to Himself – in spite of myself – that’s a bridge He doesn’t let go of. PTL

    1. Becky Hastings

      Amen! So grateful that bridge between us and God one that is permanent. Nothing we do can destroy it to the point where we can’t cross over!

  4. Yup, I know what you are talking about here. There is hope that the relationship could be different…if only. But the truth is that if it hadn’t changed in 20+ years, it’s not about to now, sadly. Thanks for linking up with Grace and Truth and sharing your beautiful heart with us.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thanks Aimee. It can be so hard to let go of those relationships. But I heard something once that I remind myself of often: “forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.”

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