My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

5 Things I’m Done Apologizing For

I’ve spent a lot of my life apologizing. And I’m not talking about the true “I’m sorry” when I’ve done something wrong. I’ve apologized for things I was never meant to apologize for, things that are not wrong.

And I think it’s time I stopped.


My size

Yeah, I’m going there. Because it’s really the biggest one in my life (no pun intended). I’ve spent my life apologizing for the size of my body. Maybe I don’t say it outright, but I say it when I won’t try on the dress I love or refuse to buy a new pair of jeans because I don’t like what the tag says. I say it when I walk into a room and hunch my shoulders to make myself smaller. I’ve said it since the fourth grade when I was the first one to wear a bra so I learned to hide in the clothes I wore or the way I sat. I’ve had enough trying to shrink.

Big Feelings

This piggy-backs right off the way that I began shrinking in the fourth grade. I feel. I feel big and loud and messy. I’m a loud laugher and a big crier. I easily switch from laughter to tears and back again. My emotions are big and I always thought that was bad. Turns out, it’s how God made me. And that is beautiful. (And if you want to know more about emotion, don’t miss Kylie’s post Let It Be Your Undoing)

My House

Fixer Upper, HGTV Dream Home, This Old House. They’re all fantastically beautiful. And they make me feel simultaneously inspired and not good enough. In a town full of mini-mansions by the beach and historic homes in town, my blue ranch seemed pretty plain. And I hated feeling that way. So, every time I drove up my driveway I began saying things like Hello, beautiful blue house or Thank you God for this amazing home. Pretty soon, my heart caught up to my head and I fell in love with our amazing house. Learning to love your house makes you feel at home.


Small Circles

I thought everyone was supposed to have tons of amazing, life-long friendships. That’s what high school taught me at least. So, I spent my life feeling like there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t seem to figure out the great big circle of friends thing. Guess what — I wasn’t supposed to. God made me to like small and intimate. It’s who I am. Give me my little circle of people and I’m good. There’s nothing wrong with that. And the whole life-long thing….well, that’s for one relationship. The rest may come in seasons, and that’s ok too.

My Marriage

Here’s the one that’s touchy. I have more friends with marriages that ended than friends that are still together. And that makes me sad. Not a pity sad, but a genuine sadness for the loss of something that was meant to be beautiful. I’m still married. Happily. Not every moment is happy, but I still choose my husband, and that’s a good thing.  I won’t apologize for staying home on the couch with him instead of chasing that circle of friends. If we hire a sitter, we may choose time for just the two of us instead of heading to a party. We genuinely like each other, and I want to keep it that way.

Maybe this list is just the beginning. Maybe it’s time we embraced who we are instead of apologizing for not being like the person next to us. Maybe it’s time to be ok with that.

What are you tired of apologizing for?

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About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

2 Replies

  1. This is so good! I “apologize” too often when there is not really something to feel sorry about.
    The one that comes to mind now is this: I won’t apologize for breastfeeding my daughter in public.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Shannon, I have no idea how this got lost in the vortex of WordPress comments, but I wanted you to know I found it, I hear you and I love that you want to stop apologizing for feeding your baby! Wishing you all the best!

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