5 Ways I Gave Myself Grace This Year (And 1 I Didn’t)
This year was the first I jumped on the Word of The Year bandwagon. It takes time for me to catch on to new trends, plus I wanted to see if it had staying power. Turns out, this trend is around to stay, but more than that it helped me.
About a year ago, I wrote about being unwilling to lose another New Year to feelings of inadequacy and failure. It was a bold decision for this insecure, indecisive perfectionist. It was scary and different from anything I had done before. But I did it anyway. Because I needed it.
I gave myself grace. Those five letters sounded so simple, but they slide through your fingers all too easily. And here I am facing the end of 2016 wondering how I did. I’m resisting the urge to grade my progress because that just seems like it would undo all the exhale and letting go and grace I’ve worked so hard for.
And it has been work. Before you think how easy grace sounds, there were days I fought with everything in me to grab hold of grace instead of everything else that screamed loud in my head.
1. My Novel: I finally finished that first draft. It’s not pretty, but its done. It may, however, be collecting dust because I’m too scared to go back and weed through the jungle, but that’s for another day.
2. My Relationships: This was hard for me. I can be so black and white in my thinking, the softer tones of relationships sometimes frustrate me. When we become better at receiving grace, giving grace gets a whole lot easier.
3. My Beliefs: I don’t like seeing all of me. All my thoughts, feelings, actions can be so very messy. I thought that meant I didn’t deserve grace. Turns out, it is the very thing that qualifies me. Choosing grace means choosing God. It will never be done, but it will always be best.
4. My Body: Here’s the thing, I’m grateful my body gets the job done, but I’ve never liked it. The list of things I didn’t like far outweighed the things I did. But choosing grace meant choosing to change how I looked at my body. It’s hard and uncomfortable and unfinished, but I have more grace for my body today than I did a year ago.
5. My Writing: Perhaps the most concrete way I see the grace I’ve given myself. Grace has changed my writing. Whether it’s the fact that I’m still writing or posting a confession, I’ve given myself grace to write imperfect and share raw so we can all be more real. This is my continued goal here at My Ink Dance.
Even with this progress, there are a lot of places I missed the mark. Most of them fall in the Not Good Enough category. Ironic, since I write so brave about it. The fight for grace is one that will never end, but I am unwilling to lay down my sword. This battle is the one I need more than all the others.
As we move closer to 2017 I will fully hold onto this year of grace, delving deeper every chance I get. If there’s anything I want to be lost in, it’s grace.
What truth did you hold onto this year?
Sharing words at #raralinkup and with these great writers today!
About Becky Hastings
I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.