My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

When You Feel Lost

I’m 11 days in and I already feel lost.

I purposely didn’t make resolutions, but I made bold declarations of JOY this year. As I write this it’s day 11 and I am not sure what I was talking about.

I’ve been in a strange place. An unknowing place. Ironically, I originally typed unknown instead of unknowing…I don’t think that’s an accident.

Because the truth is I feel a bit lost. I don’t feel tethered to anything. Even on the windiest of days or the middle of a storm, a well tethered sail holds fast. I feel like I’m floating in the sky wondering when or if I’ll ever land.

I know, I’m great at making simple things sound dramatic. But it’s how they play out in my head. Isn’t that the way? And my ever spinning mind only blows air into the wind tossing me around.

When I think about my purpose it all sounds so canned. Daughter of God, Wife, Mother, etc. All good things that I wouldn’t trade. But there’s this other part of me inside that longs for something I can’t quite put my finger on.

Can you relate?

Maybe you know what it is you’re called to, but you aren’t sure what that looks like. The struggle is real and we flail in the breeze it’s easy to lose hope. And if we don’t have hope, I can’t even think of how joy will come into the picture.

I was about to tie this in a neat bow with some analogy of calling out to God and Him grasping hold of us running wild in the wind. But then I couldn’t.

Because it feels hard. Yes, I believe when we call He will come. Always. I know it deep in my heart and my head. But I’ve lost that feeling of Him. And if I can’t feel God I only feel the wind tossing me around.

Even a tethered sail feels the wind and moves with it. The only difference is the anchor point. Click To Tweet

Maybe I’ve lost my anchor.

Maybe the first step toward finding my way back is admitting how untethered I feel. Maybe it’s not in saying the right words or knowing how to fix it, but in recognizing the place I’m in. Maybe it’s about telling God how unknown I feel.

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If you’re looking for more thoughts on dealing with the wild in the wind, feeling unknown check out No More Faking Fine and The Broken Way. Sometimes we need permission to feel. Fleece and Voskamp understand and lead you closer to the cross, the only place we are meant to be tethered.


Sharing words at #raralinkup and with these great writers today!

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About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I’m here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

10 Replies

  1. Thanks for your honesty, Becky. It’s not an easy place to be, but I love that we can be honest about that with God. We don’t have to pretend everything’s okay when it’s not but he wants us to be real with him.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Yes! We can be so real with Him…and you’re right…He longs for it! I often have to think of my relationship with God in the framework of how I’d think about my kids. I would want them to come to me in their struggles and their scared places. To be able to question and know that my love is true. Imagine how much more God feels this way about us!

  2. Oh Becky,
    I do understand exactly what you mean and truly being able to recognize where you are is a start. And still, that doesn’t make it feel better. What I know is that you are never alone, and you are loved beyond measure, and He has a good good plan for you. Praying for you to be found in the secret place of His heart and for His sweet love to fill you. (Ps 27:4-5)
    Blessings!
    Dawn

    1. Becky Hastings

      It is so wonderful to know we’re not alone on this journey, isn’t it? Maybe that’s what our souls are crying out for. Thank you for being here and for your kind words!

  3. Hi Becky,
    I love these honest musings. You are right – the tethering is so important. Not too long ago I wrote a post about when you feel as though God is not there. It’s that “feeling” thing, right? Those darn feelings, though, they lead us astray! I’m so thankful you KNOW truth enough to keep doing that next right thing until one day you are blessed with another season of feeling His nearness.
    Blessings and smiles,
    Lori

    1. Becky Hastings

      Feelings can be so messy! I love them because they are so real, but sometimes I give them way too much credit. Feelings are my human reactions based on my experiences and personality. God is bigger than all of that! Thanks for being here Lori!

  4. Thanks for the raw honesty, Becky. I’ve been in this place and love the visual of the sails still feeling the wind. When it gets like that, I also know I need to tighten my line to the anchor. In His presence is the big goal for eternity- that’s where we want to be forever- so it’s no wonder we can have all seem good and right but still have such an intense longing when in this life we’re lacking His presence for one reason or another! Said from study and experience! Praying the Lord draws near to you as you draw near to Him.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thanks friend. It can feel windy sometimes, but we are not left to fly away!

  5. Thank you for being real and open. Emotions are such a powerful thing, but I am thankful God’s word is greater. When I am feeling unanchored, I always worship. Throwing my arms up in surrender to Him, rather than my feelings or thoughts, somehow centers me back to the truth that I am held together by Him and He never lets me go. It’s so comforting.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Yes! Worship can change the whole atmosphere in my home (and heart). Even in the background it usually brings me around 🙂

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