How I Went Back To Church, Part I
It wasn’t that long ago that I was spiritually homeless. I had my faith, held it tight, or loose depending on the day. But it never left. I never let it go. Church was a different story.
I never meant to leave. Church just moved further and further down the list of things I wanted to do. It felt hard and uncomfortable and like so much work. The season of 3 in car seats wore me out, and the show on the church stage wasn’t working in my real life.
I faded into the background and eventually disappeared from church.
But there is an important distinction between church the institution and church the body. While I may not have attended services I was always, and will always be part of the body, the bride, the people who love God. I had gone from the church of my youth and the idolization of an institution to feeling like part of the body wandering the desert.I was not spiritually lost, but I was homeless. Click To Tweet
I had become hard to the idea of church, but then God started working in me, softening me. So I did what I felt right, I fought Him. I gave Him every excuse. Found reason after reason not to put my heart out there again. I fought daily and weekly and monthly. Until I realized one thing:God loves the church, even in all her imperfections, so very deeply. Click To Tweet
How could I hate something God loved?
So I told my people we were going to church. Met with shock, moans, and a seed of hope we stepped out and visited a new church. Now this is where I want to write how amazing it was and how we fit right in and it had everything we needed and we felt at home.
But it was awful.
My husband and I left wide-eyed silently vowing never to go back there again. We knew it wasn’t right for us. I almost hoped that would be the final answer and we would let it go, content with our homelessness. But even that awful church experience stirred a desire in us to find something that did feel right.
Don’t miss the rest of the story! More posts in the series:
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About Becky Hastings
I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.