My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

I Lost Jesus

I stood in church singing and found myself looking at a cross I had whitewashed to go better with my life.


I was singing the right words, even opening up my Bible more. Everything was good with me and Jesus. I had it all figured out.

Until my shiny faith began feeling hollow.

I found myself holding an empty faith wondering why it felt so light. I had settled for the idea of who Jesus was instead of wholeheartedly pursuing Him. It was all words and grace before dinner and listening to worship music. And it wasn’t enough.

Singing on a Sunday morning about the lamb that was slain made sense. I claimed He was my everything. I was clinging to a reminder of who He was the way we cling to a shirt of a dead loved one. God was no more my everything than the way that shirt is the person we love.

It reminds us of them. It brings memories and even smells like them. But it will never be them.

A cross on a wall or a worship song will never be Jesus.

I had settled for the idea of who Jesus was instead of wholeheartedly pursuing Him. Click To Tweet

We need to move beyond the memory to who the person is. We need to lock eyes with Jesus and worship full and real until we forget that we are worshiping. We need to let go of our whitewashed versions of who He is and what it’s supposed to look like to praise and walk and pray.


I’m tired of gripping my whitewashed cross. Maybe it’s time to lose what we think faith is to truly find Jesus.

Sharing words with these great writers today!

Faith Filled Friday

Holley-Gerth-Button-250x250 (2)


susan meadGraceTruth-300x300Kristin_Taylor_Button

About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

14 Replies

  1. Thanks, Becky, for bringing me face to face with the truth that the main symbol of our faith is an instrument of torture. We can shine it up and make believe otherwise, but in order for us to be saved, Jesus had to be very unsafe. Thankful today for His once-for-all sacrifice.

    1. Becky Hastings

      It’s so easy to forget, isn’t it Michele? So grateful we can remind one another!

  2. Becky, Jesus definitely lived an unsafe earthly life – in perfect submission to His Father’s perfect will.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Yes, He certainly did! And I’m so very grateful for it!

  3. Beautiful post, Becky. I have been thinking of how much it cost Jesus – and His disciples – to submit to the will of the Father. We, too, will have hardship here. We forget that or at least I do at times. But He has promised that He has overcome the world and will be with us as we journey through this world. Blessings!

    1. Becky Hastings

      Any day I can remember that overcoming part is a really good day!

  4. Wow, Becky, that’s powerful.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thanks Heather!

  5. For me, pursuit of Jesus looks a lot like an ongoing conversation. Whenever I leave the conversation, I find myself pursing less.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Wow! that’s so powerful Anita….”whenever I leave the conversation, I find myself pursuing less.”

  6. Wow!
    So well said!
    “holding an empty faith wondering why it felt so light”
    May we truly seek Him and find Him today and every day.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Amen Ruth! (and thank you!)

  7. I love this. I have to remind myself daily on this journey to let Jesus lead not just in action but in deep-rooted relationships.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Oh, it’s those relationships that get me stuck so often. It feels easier to stay in my little bubble sometimes, but God longs to bless us through those real, deep relationships. So glad we can encourage one another in this!

Leave a Reply