My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

Why I Still Can’t Call Myself Woman

I watched a video yesterday talking about how we need to stop calling grown women girls. I turned the words around in my head. I understood every part of the argument, but still the word I used to refer to myself was simple.


Maybe it’s the reality that despite double digits, 3 kids and a mortgage I still don’t feel like I’ve arrived as a grown up. Even publishing my book hasn’t pushed me over that invisible line to adulthood. But really, I think it’s more than that.

Woman sounds so self-assured.

A woman knows who she is.

And I, well, let’s just say I’m still in development.

I see myself for what I really am. Most days I walk around feeling like a toddler in my faith. I want what I want, when I want it and I’m pretty quick to throw a tantrum when I don’t get it. Sure, I don’t fall into a snotty-nosed heap on the floor (most days), but I lack understanding and lose it when God doesn’t give me what I want. Pretty hard to see myself as a woman then.

Beyond the toddler tendencies, I find myself eager to be a girl most days. I want my Father to protect me and take care of things for me. I want things to work out. I want to have everything I need. And right there, we’re back to toddler-hood.

Do you see the problem?


There’s a whole lot of “I” in my life, and adulthood just doesn’t hold “I” so tightly. At some point you realize you are, in fact, not the sun. Most days I’m waiting for life to orbit around me. I hope I realize this side of heaven that there is only one Son that deserves orbit.

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Before you worry that I’m having an identity crisis, you should know that I understand that I am a woman. Thanks to puberty, hormones, and sex, it was pretty easy to figure out. But that doesn’t always mean I’m comfortable in my skin. It doesn’t always mean I understand the title.

Most days I’m just a girl trying to figure this whole LIFE thing out. A girl lost in a big crowd looking for her Dad. And the truth is, I think that’s okay. I’d rather be a girl seeking her Dad than a woman handling life on her own.

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Maybe you fall hard on one side of this woman vs. girl argument. Maybe it’s less about that and more about how we see ourselves, how we define ourselves.

I know that God created woman. I know that woman is loved and respected and honored. And that is a mantle I am proud to wear. But just because we understand something doesn’t mean we always feel it. So, it may be awhile before I fully embrace the title. I may never do it the way the world wants me to.

If I’m still a girl seeking her Father, I think I’m alright.

Understanding who we are is essential to living the life God longs for us to live. Don’t miss my latest book, Worthy: Believe Who God Says You Are and walk in that understanding more each day.

Sharing words at #raralinkup and with these great writers today!

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About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

2 Replies

  1. So true. We are still works in progress. We even start our texts and our phone calls by saying, “Girl, listen to this…”

    1. Becky Hastings

      Works in progress indeed!

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