My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

I Judged a Pastor Today

I saw a picture from a pastor on the hate-to-love platform of Facebook today. It was nondescript, showing no faces. But it was from someone I know on the periphery and I saw the kind of car they drive. It made me mad.

Apparently, I judge pastors.

I’m not a car person. I don’t care about cars, but in this picture a pastor driving his car. A luxury car.

My thoughts bounced around like a pinball:

How does a pastor make enough for that?

Shouldn’t a pastor give his money to people who need it?

Why does a pastor even need a luxury car?

And then I felt a quiet question from inside: why do you care?

Suddenly, the pinball dropped and the game was over. I had no more justifications, no more scathing accusations and assumptions. Just me and my messy heart stuff.

This wasn’t about the pastor’s car, or his heart. It was about mine.

It’s not just pastors I judge, it’s everyone. I know that sounds bad, and really, it is. I’m not mean about it, but deep in my heart I pass judgement after judgement.

What kind of parent does that?

I would never….

Must be nice to have that house.

Look how perfect her clothes are. (cha-ching!)

I’m screaming for people to do life the same way I do so I know I’m okay, I’m doing it right. I dress up these judgements in questions and compliments and raised eyebrow smiles, but dressing them up doesn’t change what they are.

I'm screaming for people to do life the same way I do so I know I'm okay, I'm doing it right. Click To Tweet

You should know, I don’t like this about myself. I’m not writing praise for my choice, but just being real. In fact, I hate that I do this and would like nothing more than to stop. In order to stop, I need to ask why.

Why do I feel compelled to look around me and use these external things as measuring sticks? I keep using what society says is important to judge the value of someone. But the truth is, it’s really not about them. The truth is, I’m judging me.

I was using the social worth of others to measure my own. And that’s really what it all came down to. Me, being a toddler again.

How come I don’t have a luxury car?

Why doesn’t my hair look that good?

How come I don’t live in a big house?

Why can’t I have that?

I’m repeatedly stomping my foot telling my Father, “It’s not FAIR!”

And I’m guessing I’m not the only one.

Even as I recognize what the core of my judgement is, I hear the truth I say to my own kids over and over:

“Fair doesn’t mean the same. What is best for her is not what is best for you.”

We have a Father that wants what is best for each of us. He loves us enough to see us and our unique needs, even when we can’t.

We don’t need to measure ourselves against anything another person has or does. God tells us exactly who we are; we just need to believe Him.

Worthy: Believe Who God Says You Are is a 20 Day Devotional I wrote to remind you of exactly who God says you are and bring you to a place of believing it. Don’t miss this book so you can walk in the freedom of knowing exactly who you are!

Sharing words with these great writers today!

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About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

20 Replies

  1. You could have been writing about me. The last line is what it comes down to isn’t it? We just need to believe God. Thanks for your words today.

    1. Becky Hastings

      It can be hard, but it’s so worth it!

  2. We’re so quick to grab that gavel and start making pronouncements. Thanks, Becky, for your tender heart and for calling us out on this sinful tendency.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thanks for reminding me that I’m not alone 🙂

  3. Daily we need God’s mercies, but the more we remember how much we are loved and that God cares for each of us – I think the more natural it is that this will be our default behavior/thinking. It takes time, practice on this journey of life. Thanks for sharing your heart, Becky. Many things you write feel like the very things I have thought or dealt with on a personal level. xoxo

    1. Becky Hastings

      You are so right, Meghan! Sometimes I forget to come to God daily for His mercy and grace. I think I check it off my list and then I’m done. But that isn’t relationship. So grateful you’re here 🙂

  4. Becky, I applaud your bravery and honesty here. I can relate, and though it’s hard to admit, it’s good to come clean about judging others. I’m working hard to overcome my natural tendency, as I am an INFJ–emphasis on the J for Judging.

    1. Becky Hastings

      It feels so easy to judge, doesn’t it?! I’m working to understand how God wants to use those innate qualities He gave me for something better than judging. But I’ll be honest, it’s hard! So glad I’m not alone in the process 🙂

  5. Well I’ll say OUCH! We judge so much. I love your honesty and how you’re not making apologies for your behaviour. Makes me want to get serious about any judging I do. Praying this post goes viral to help many face the reality of their judgments so we can all get free and learn how much HE loves and accepts us.
    Be Blessed & Refreshed,
    ~Sherry Stahl

    1. Becky Hastings

      Sherry, thank you so much! Your encouragement means a lot. I think judging is something we do so often and never talk about (even in the church). Would love to see more people talking about this! xo

  6. Great post and thank you for your transparency. Judging is something we all do even in the church and hurts so many people. I trust your transparency will help inspire others to search their own heart. I know my heart was convicted just reading it. I don’t see myself as a judgmental person but there is always room for improvement. I’m sure there is a hint of it in everyone including me.

    1. Becky Hastings

      You’re so right about how much judgement runs rampant, even in the church. Grateful to know that we can all walk through this and grab hold of grace every day.

  7. This! So convicting. I have totally been there, and still struggle with this on a regular basis. We form opinions instead of rejoicing with others. We don’t know the backstory, but we think we know the right answer. Or at least that’s what I do…

    1. Becky Hastings

      I completely relate Heather! So interesting how we do this. So grateful for grace!

  8. Hi, Becky! I’m a fellow Hope*Writer, and I also work for, a Christian parenting site. I love this post so much! And I believe our readers would be encouraged by it, too. Would you allow us to republish this post on our site? We’d give you full credit as author, link back to the original post here, and include your bio and head shot. What do you think? Let me know if you have any questions and if you’re interested. Thank you!

    1. Becky Hastings

      Hi Mary! Thanks for reaching out! I will send you an email now! Thanks!

  9. Jessica

    Along these lines, my dad is the pastor of a small church. He does not recieve an income and lives on SS. He recently bought a Mercedes SUV for $5,000. It was low miles and great body condition. He got it so cheap because it has a costly alignment fix needed that he knew my brother-in-law would do for free. It looks like he drives a 60,000 car. He has been judged for it, he’s just thrifty.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Hi Jessica! Such a perfect example of how judging one another causes us to get things so wrong. We never really know the backstory, and even if we did…the other person’s story is just that: theirs. I’m seeing more and more how judging others impacts my life far more than it does theirs. So glad you shared today!

  10. Well said, Becky! Funny how we tend to do that, just like toddlers. I believe we need to cast our haze heavenward more and not over at other people.

    1. Becky Hastings

      So true Tiffiney! I’m so glad you’re here!

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