My Ink Dance

Discovering Extraordinary Grace in an Ordinary Life

5 Guidelines to Getting It Together

Sometimes I find I need to learn something more than once. This summer I’m revisiting a few things God has shown me in the hopes that the lessons will go deeper.

I’ve often tried to have a life that’s put together. I want to get it all done, perfectly, and come out smiling on the other side. Maybe we can’t have it all together; maybe God never intended it that way. But we can learn a few things that help along the way.

Can you really have it all together? Maybe not, but there are 5 things that can help!

I stared at her knowing the words before she even spoke them. She was talking about me and how people perceive me. Thinking the words would hurt less, I spoke them before she could.


Image credit: Lauren Bates

Image credit: Lauren Bates

“Everyone thinks I have it all together.”

She nodded quickly, too quickly and the silence felt like a dense fog between us. Finally, she spoke saying that it just makes me seem unapproachable.

It was an honest conversation, lovingly honest. But heartbreaking just the same. Because the truth is that I long for honesty and transparency and this idea that I have it all together couldn’t be further from the truth.

And here is the truth you may not want to hear. There are no steps to getting it together. There’s only ways to work on things. We’re going to get it wrong. We’re going to mess up. We will never have it all together. But we can do better. It just frees us up to work on the next thing!

Without even realizing it, I had set a few guidelines.

1. Don’t complain about your spouse.

The respect I can show my husband in this one thing is far more valuable than any venting session with a friend. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to hold it all inside either. Talking with a safe person is good, but find a way to do it without demeaning your spouse. It can only make your marriage stronger.

2. Don’t complain about your body.

Here’s one that is hard for me, but essential to changing the culture of beauty standards for me and my kids. There are enough pressures out there in the world to have the perfect body and skin and hair and clothes. I do not need to contribute to that. I can show my kids that it’s okay not to be perfect. We can all work on being healthy. This does not mean we won’t face struggles in this area, but forcing myself  to choose my words and speak truth to my kids and myself.

5 Guidelines to Getting It Together (sorta) Click To Tweet

3. Be grateful.

It sounds so easy. “Be grateful for what you have.” But what about when your friend gets a shiny new car or takes a fantastic vacation? How about when you realize your whole house can fit in the garage of your child’s friend’s house? It is always going to seem like someone has more than you. And the truth is, they do. But when you have what you need you are blessed. Because the other side of that same truth is that you have far more than someone else in the world. This may feel awkward at first. I was struggling when a friend had a house I loved. To help my heart line up with what I knew in my head I started saying one simple thing when I came home or went out: “Hello, beautiful blue house,” or “Goodbye, beautiful blue house.” It sounds a bit corny, but soon my heart started to believe it. Gratitude makes even the worst situation better. Even if you have to fake it, this one is so worth it.

4. Say No.

In a culture of more, more, more, saying no is hard. We want to be liked. We want to give our kids all the best. We want to fit in. But the truth here is we are ignoring some of the more important things that are individual to us. What are the things you want that are not cool? One simple one for me: empty calendar squares. I love the feeling of a day without running. A day to relax and know that my people can just be. A day to make time for the other things that are important to me that get pushed aside like family reading time or an impromptu walk on the beach. Find what is important to you and say yes to that. (A great book that helped me with this was The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst)

5. Cut back on (or cut out) social media.

Social media is a double-edged sword. It makes me feel involved and connected. It makes me feel like I can bake that cake and run that marathon and have the perfect house and make all the Christmas gifts. But it’s not real. One person can’t be everything. We were never meant to. I struggle with limits on social media. I click my way right into the rabbit hole of never enough. There’s a solution for this. Don’t get sucked in. Maybe it means setting limits or taking a break or closing accounts all together. Regardless of how you do it, cutting back will help you find your balance.

None of us have it all together. But all of us do have something to offer. Find what that is for you and be that. Do that. Live that. And if you get it all wrong. Try something else.

Right now, I need to find ways to be more transparent while still being true to what is important to me. That’s not easy when you realize you’ve become a people pleaser with the best of intentions. But I know it’s not impossible either.

Next week I’ll share one way I’m finding my way back.

Sharing words at #raralinkup and with these great writers today!

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About Becky Hastings

I am emotional and logical. I am strong and dependent. I am a juxtaposition of head and heart exploring it all through writing. And in all my mixed-up ways I am loved. I'm here to tell you that you are, too. Just the way you are.

20 Replies

  1. This is really good stuff, Becky. In the Spirit, we can do better than “fake it till you make it,” because He shows up in the midst of our obedience, and it’s not faking anymore. Somehow He meets our effort with His effort, and it’s a thing of beautiful redemption! Thanks for your push in the right direction this morning!

    1. Becky Hastings

      I’m so grateful for His effort, His strength, His redemption!

  2. Will be back next week. That same honest conversation has been had with me and oh does it sting. As much as I also long for transparency and true connectedness, vulnerability and showing my struggle is apparently not my natural gift! I really appreciate these guidelines Becky and look forward to a little insight into not looking we have it all together!!

    1. Becky Hastings

      I’m so grateful I’m not the only one! 🙂 Looks like we’re in good company friend. Grateful we can move forward together. And you don’t have to wait until next week for what comes next since I’ve been revisiting some old posts. Here you go:

  3. Great thoughts, Becky! I love the saying hello and goodbye to the beautiful blue house. That’s a wonderful way to practice gratefulness.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thanks Kelly! It’s made a big difference!

  4. This is such a hard lesson to learn. God worked on me for years. . . and I often need a refresher course.

    1. Becky Hastings

      You and me both friend!

  5. Ugh. I try not to say negative things about my body, but I do more than I realize. I’ve recently heard my 22-year-old saying negative things about her own body (I strongly disagreed!), but it made me feel so bad. 🙁 I need to set a better example. Thanks for the encouragement, Becky.

    1. Becky Hastings

      It’s such a difficult subject, and I am convinced there is no “easy answer.” Maybe a lot of little answers will make a big difference!

  6. These are so great, Becky! Some small tweaks that greatly simplify life! Blessings, friend!

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thanks…you too friend! Hope the move has gone well!

  7. Great post! I too delight in those days when I have nothing on my calendar. Of course, I still have my daily “chores” but I love being home. I’m learning to say no to many things so I can say yes to the God things! Alli Worthington’s book, Breaking Busy, really opened my eyes to the importance of being less busy! Thank you for sharing these wonderful tips. I look forward to your next post!

    1. Becky Hastings

      Always fun finding a kindred spirit longing for white space!

  8. Dear Becky, how brave you are to admit you don’t have it all together, and braver still to share that we probably aren’t wired to either. And your tips are terrific! Thanks for your candor and encouragement.

    1. Becky Hastings

      Thank you Alice! It’s nice to know we’re in good company 🙂

  9. My kindred spirit! I’ve had that said about me, too. And, honestly, it is a form of judgment. Bad judgment. Thanks for sharing on Grace and Truth, Becky. I have chosen to feature your post this week. Stop by and get the button!

    1. Becky Hastings

      First of all, I have to thank you for speaking truth to me. Why is it so easy to just accept what people say about us as absolute TRUTH? Secondly, thanks for the feature! Always love sharing with your readers Aimee!

  10. I love this Becky. I sometimes feel back and forth. I start doing things for the right reason but then that good hearted intention turns into leaning on my own human strength if not careful, and I crumble. It is good to use wisdom and what will help us but know we can be real with people. I like how Lysa T says it, “Be real, but be mature about it.”

    1. Becky Hastings

      Yes! It’s so important to blend that realness with respect and wisdome!

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